Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
