bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
