woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
