Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
