Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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