Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
