guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
