i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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