I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
