oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
