Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize