she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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