She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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