I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
