Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just gargled with NyQuil
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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