my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I AM VODKA MAN
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
