FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
