New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
