i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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