operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
