Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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