Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So much rum. So many feels.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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