Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
