Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
