Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i will never coherently bang her
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
