I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize