apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
