I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
