How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
