I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
