I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
As shirtless as possible
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
