the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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