Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
