$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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