some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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