I CAN MOONWALK!
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
how drunk are you?
Several
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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