He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
