oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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