my sisters under your porch take her home
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Drake has all the answers
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
