just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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