im drinking this country out of the recession.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
