I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
