im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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