I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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