i need an iv and a liver transplant
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
