Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
