This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
