I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
