if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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