I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
