you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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