I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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