trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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