Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
