Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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