Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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