the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
