I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize