Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
this just has baby written all over it
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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