...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
