Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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