Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
