it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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