Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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