I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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