i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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