I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
