One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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